Searching for Gratitude

I’m grateful to put 2020 in the rearview, but I’m not naive enough to believe that turning over the calendar or unwrapping a new planner fixes anything. 2020 was…a lot…like…a lot a lot. I’m tired. I’m a woman who usually does a pretty good job in finding the bright side, the silver lining, a lesson to be learned, a door opened or…whatever. Typically, I’m annoyingly good (according to some) at finding a bright spot in the middle of whatever storm I’m in. Last year it felt like the world was on fire…every damned day, and I’m tired of trying to find the bright side. It gets harder see the good stuff, and I’m a little sad because typically I thrive on all the little joys.

I’m not feeling very thrive-y right now.

I’m struggling to find the energy to do the things I love to do, and when I do…I don’t get the usual boost of goodness. (And believe me I tried! Over the holiday season I went through 12 lbs of flour…I baked all the things!) Because of that, the last little while I feel like I keep cycling through the same things to be grateful for over and over and over. This doesn’t make them less wonderful, but they’ve put in a lot of work over the last year. So my question is, how do I keep these wonderful things bright and shiny? I feel like they’ve been so well-loved, they’re a bit like the Velveteen Rabbit. I want to make sure none of it gets taken for granted…ever. I’m not quite sure how to do that.

All year, I’ve been telling people that we need to all give each other a little grace. We’re all struggling, and the struggle doesn’t always bring out the best in people. It doesn’t make it right. It just…is. We deserve a little grace, myself included. Supplying that takes a lot of energy right now. Just being willing to offer that grace takes a lot of effort. My patience threshold for hateful or stupid was never very high to begin with, and the last year or so has brought out the hateful and stupid in droves.

Staying connected this year is tough. Staying home and staying safe and socially-distanced is so easy in some ways and so hard in others. I miss my family, my friends, my geeky community. I miss hugs. Staying cheerful through socially-distanced birthdays and holidays is rough.

If you’re feeling this way too, you’re not alone! The social-distancing makes it harder to see and to know when the people we love are struggling. We’re all trying our best to put on a brave face for the people we care about, and it isn’t easy to share the rough parts when we do this. It’s especially hard when we feel like there’s not much anyone can do to help, and when we know other people’s challenges are so much bigger than our own.

If you want to, I invite you to share whatever you need to get off your chest or the wonderful things you’ve found in the midst of the madness, you can comment or email me (ilovegeekology101@gmail.com) if you’d rather keep things private. We can unburden ourselves or rejoice in the good stuff. Hopefully, we can help each other keep the things we’re grateful for shiny…if nothing else, maybe we’ll feel a little lighter. Maybe in these crazy times we can find ways help each other.

‘Til next time,

Jess