My neighborhood has a flock of turkeys. My. Neighborhood. Has. A. Flock. Of. Turkeys. This is a sentence I never thought I’d utter, write or even think. So, turkeys in the middle of the Tulsa Metro, weird, but not that weird. What if one of them were impaled with an arrow? An. Arrow.
While I know many hunters, and have enjoyed the bounty of their hard work, I can’t bear to see an animal suffer unnecessarily. However, I have no idea what to do about a turkey shot with an arrow. Who do you call about a turkey?
Dad. I called my dad. Of course, he was no help whatsoever. His suggestion involved No. 4 birdshot. I thought maybe it would just die on its own, but I saw the darned thing again…and again. It didn’t look injured…except for the freaking arrow going through its body. My conscience (and my mother) wouldn’t let me stop there, so I called my vet.
They’d be happy to treat the turkey…if I caught it. How do you catch a turkey? Have you seen a wild turkey? They’re not cuddly creatures!
So, I called the SPCA. The gentleman expressed such gratitude I cared about the animal, and he would be happy to give me treatment options…if I caught the turkey.
The wild life refuge rehabilitates and re-homes animals when they’re well. They’d be happy to treat the turkey as well…if I brought it in.
At this point I’m getting a bit excited. Who knows how to catch a turkey? I don’t! Does anyone have a suggestion?
“Well, this is a multi-person job,” the helpful refuge personnel informed me. “I’ve got the numbers for a couple of companies you can pay to help you catch the turkey.”
Pay to…does anyone else realize this is not my turkey? I just don’t want the animal to suffer needlessly. Catch a turkey? What the hell would I do with it when I caught it? Load the “docile” animal in my Hyundai and trek down to the wildlife refuge? Are you kidding me?
However, my colleague upon hearing my plight offered an excellent suggestion. I should lasso the turkey…Lasso. The. Turkey.
Okay, so setting aside the fact this is…a turkey. What on God’s green Earth makes anyone think I a) am in possession of a LASSO b) would in any way shape or form be able to LASSO A TURKEY?
Fortunately, she was able to demonstrate the lassoing motion…along with a handy gallop. Because apparently, I would be riding a stick pony while wielding my lasso.
Of course, this was not the only suggestion offered up in my quest to capture the…turkey. Calling Channel 2 came up surprisingly often. Although I’m not sure what a news crew could do. I suppose that is a multi-person effort.
My mother helpfully suggested shooting the animal with a tranquilizer dart. Fortunately, I keep the dart gun stored next to my LASSO. It is so much more convenient than storing them separately.
She also suggested a blow gun…that suggestion came complete with sound effects. Seriously, I’m not even going there.
The placement of the arrow came up several times, but let me be clear. The only time I’d been in the presence of a whole turkey was at Thanksgiving dinner. The vantage point was just a little different. I can be pretty certain the arrow didn’t damage the drumstick though.
The fate of the turkey? I have no idea. It seemed content to be pecking away in my neighbor’s yard the last time I saw it. In the end, I hung up the phone and poured a drink. There’s no Wild Turkey in my house, so it was a Jameson’s.
‘Til next time,
P.S. No, it is not turkey season. Yes, hunting is illegal within the city limits. I did get confirmation that a few geese have also been shot with arrows. The SPCA’s opinion is that this is not hunting for food. This is target practice and sport. Just in case you’re a little foggy. Maiming animals is NOT okay. In my opinion, hunting for anything other than food is NOT okay. Don’t be a jackass.